Print Story Thoughts of a new father
Family
By theboz (Tue May 29, 2007 at 11:39:55 AM EST) (all tags)
The baby will be three weeks old this coming Wednesday, so with my vast experience in parenting, I'm here to tell you how to raise your teenagers and keep them off the streets doing drugs.


Baby Updates
Ok, so here's what everyone really wants to know anyway. The baby is doing fine. She had her two-week doctor's appointment last week and she actually gained weight. We've had her home for over a week now, so we're tired but getting the hang of it. Rather than trying to write a cohesive look at everything we've learned in the past week, I'd like to instead just do a list in no particular order.
  • Swaddling is baby-talk for shut the fuck up. Seriously, if a baby is unhappy, swaddle them and they generally calm down.
  • If a baby is crying, it's generally for a good reason. Change the diaper and feed them, and they won't cry. It's not rocket science.
  • While you don't get to sleep as much as you used to, you can get more by following the above two items plus by setting a schedule. People laugh at the idea of having a schedule, but babies are hungry a lot. If you can get them used to eating on a regular basis, then you can plan to sleep between feedings and switch off with your partner in order to maximize sleep. I'm getting only slightly less sleep than I used to, and my wife and I are working out a plan where she sleeps after supper while I take care of the baby until about 11pm or so. My wife then wakes up about 2am but already got some rest.
  • Breast-fed babies need to eat about once every two hours. Formula-fed babies need to eat once every three to four hours. Yes, we're selfish fucks for not breast-feeding, but hey, our baby is growing and we get to sleep more.
  • Some things that appear to be extremely useful that you wouldn't expect are receiving blankets, boppies, a co-sleeper, swaddle-me blankets, and that's about it.
  • Not all nipples are the same. We had to go through about four different ones before finding one that was compatible with our baby. Why isn't there a standard baby adapter? A Universal Serial Baby adapter or something?
  • Changing shitty diapers is not a huge deal. It's when you are changing a diaper and the baby starts shitting that is a huge deal. It looks like brownie-colored toothpaste coming out of a dispenser. If the baby shits, just put the diaper back on and wait a while. At worst, we went through five diapers in a row.
  • Using your elbow to measure bathwater temperatures really does work, and is more accurate than that rubber ducky with the word "HOT" written on the bottom of it.
  • Grandmothers are a great help because they have experience raising kids and can offer lots of advice to you.
  • Grandmothers are a big problem because they have experience raising kids in the past and things are done differently now, and offer advice that may not be the best.
  • Sometimes you might get tired of taking care of the baby. Too fucking bad. This is what separates you from people like Britney Spears. Get your ass out of bed and help them, even if you stayed up too late reading HuSi or playing God of War II.
That's about it for now. It's been a pretty good experience overall with a few things here and there. It is tiring, and I'm not able to do as much as I used to. However, it's also not as bad as some people say it is. It isn't 24x7 work. The work that is required is pretty easy, it's just repetitive. You will lose some sleep, but if you sleep as little as I do anyway it won't be a huge adjustment.

Birthday
My birthday was this past Sunday. Since the baby was home, we didn't go out or have a cake or anything, but at least it was still better than last year. I got a couple of gifts this year. However, since I haven't had a birthday party or any celebration for two years in a row now, I'm officially two years younger than my real age.

One of the gifts I got was Super Paper Mario. This is a great game that plays something like a Mario-themed Metroid. You run around these places finding secrets and getting new abilities to help you complete other portions of the levels. If you have a Wii and like Mario or Metroid, get it. My favorite things are when I get the star power, because rather than merely turning me invincible I get to become a gigantic version of the original SMB Mario (or Luigi, Peach, or Bowser) and run through the level destroying everything. I'm glad they abandoned the RPG gameplay in favor of something more like the 2D sidescrolling and 3D platform gameplay.

The other gift I got was God of War II. This game is badass. It's great fun and I enjoy killing things in brutal ways. Right now I'm stuck on the giant Medusa that goes by some other name, but I'll beat her soon enough. Others have described this game here in the past so I won't go into too much detail. It's just one of those games that are instant classics.

Work
The two weeks I was out on paternity leave, things got really fucked up at work. People freaked out, decisions were made that screwed everything up, misinformation was spread, and things became a mess. When I came back, things started calming back down and things improved instantly. I hope everyone that I work with remembers that when it comes bonus/promotion time.

House
I haven't talked much about my house, but there is an issue right now so I'll discuss it here. My next-door neighbor is getting a pool put in and I was asked to sign something from the pool company giving them access to part of my yard and to take down one section of my fence so they could put the pool in. I was told it would take two days. This was last Thursday that they started. I'm hoping they finish soon, but I might have to give another call to the company to ask what they are doing and when they expect to be done. These guys arrive before 7:00am and use loud machinery. My fence is also still down, and they left a huge trail of mud and destruction on the side of my yard. If they don't fix it soon and replace both the fence and the sod as they agreed, there will be a lawsuit.

Additionally, I'm having a problem with a faucet leaking. It's still under warranty but I need to contact them and have it replaced soon.

Anyway, this diary is long enough and it's time for me to go. I should do some actual work today, at least for now.

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Thoughts of a new father | 28 comments (28 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback
Rebuttal by georgeha (4.00 / 1) #1 Tue May 29, 2007 at 11:52:15 AM EST

If you have to, tell the pool company you're worried about your child wandering over and drowning in the unfenced pool and you'll sue.




It is subjective by theboz (2.00 / 0) #15 Tue May 29, 2007 at 03:14:09 PM EST
That's why in my intro to the diary I made a joke about me dishing out parenting advice since I've just been at it a couple of weeks now. I mostly thought that would be good information for Stacky and clock to try out when the time comes. It may not work, but if it does, it's great.
- - - - -
That's what I always say about you, boz, you have a good memory for random facts about pussy. -- joh3n
[ Parent ]

Well, duh. by mrgoat (4.00 / 1) #17 Tue May 29, 2007 at 03:32:22 PM EST
You're not supposed to still be swaddling a ten year old.

Years pass, things change, you end up living in Kansas. But the bag of dicks never leaves your side... - blixco
--top hat--
[ Parent ]

but they're supposed to et used to it by georgeha (4.00 / 1) #23 Tue May 29, 2007 at 04:17:20 PM EST



[ Parent ]

maybe she had a good reason by alprazolam (4.00 / 1) #26 Tue May 29, 2007 at 06:22:59 PM EST
was it during the nba playoffs? let's see 96...yea depends whether she's a celtics or knicks fan..

[ Parent ]

Is this your first? by greyrat (4.00 / 1) #2 Tue May 29, 2007 at 11:52:40 AM EST
The note on swaddling varies wildly between children. One of ours loved it, the other despised it.
~
There is absolutely no correlation or causation amongst intelligence, power, talent and wealth.
Kha-Nyou


Yep by Phil the Canuck (4.00 / 1) #5 Tue May 29, 2007 at 01:08:30 PM EST
Son loved it, daughter hated it.

[ Parent ]

sweet! by clock (4.00 / 1) #3 Tue May 29, 2007 at 11:56:13 AM EST
we've been saying "we should call thebozes" for about, oh, three weeks now.  but we suck.  so we didn't.

glad to hear that all is well in the baby department.  i had a feeling you'd get it under control quickly.

as for the pool, if you'd like i can drop by and we'll put the fence back up.  "but you said 2 days.  i thought you just forgot to put it back up."


Clock is right. [nt] --vorheesleatherface



Thanks by theboz (4.00 / 1) #12 Tue May 29, 2007 at 02:59:46 PM EST
I've got people, family even, that I haven't called to announce the pregnancy yet, much less the birth of the baby. So I have no right to criticize anyone, and you two have a lot going on yourselves.

As far as the fence is concerned, I'll give them a few more days I think to see what happens. Plus, I will try to use honey before vinegar. I can say, "You know, if you guys do a good enough job I might even consider you for my pool." I have no intention of getting a pool, but they don't need to know that.
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That's what I always say about you, boz, you have a good memory for random facts about pussy. -- joh3n
[ Parent ]

yay! by StackyMcRacky (4.00 / 1) #4 Tue May 29, 2007 at 12:21:09 PM EST
we keep meaning to call and see how things are, but we suck and are lazy and stuff.

glad to hear things are good with the kiddo.  how's mrz boz??   doing well???



Mrs Boz is doing well by theboz (2.00 / 0) #13 Tue May 29, 2007 at 03:03:45 PM EST
She's recovering pretty well. The c section is healed on the outside for the most part and she will take a few more weeks healing on the inside, but since she was released from the hospital she's been able to walk around and do stuff. She just can't lift things right now. If you do end up needing a c section at some point, don't worry. The scar is even low enough that if she wears low-rise jeans or a bikini it will not be visible.

Speaking of which, the weight is coming off quickly. I don't know how much of what you have is swelling due to water retention, but if that's it, you might lose weight quickly after your baby is born. I don't want to get your hopes up without cause, but I'm really surprised by my wife right now. She has a lot of trouble losing weight normally, but at least the pregnancy weight is much easier for her to get rid of.
- - - - -
That's what I always say about you, boz, you have a good memory for random facts about pussy. -- joh3n
[ Parent ]

excellent!! by StackyMcRacky (4.00 / 1) #16 Tue May 29, 2007 at 03:21:54 PM EST
i spent a week with my sister last year after her c-section (3rd week after), so I understand what you mean about the no lifting, etc.

great on the baby-weight loss as well.  my sister was back down to her pre-pregnancy weight in just 8 weeks, so i'm not too worried. like you mentioned, i think most of it is fluid retention, as things like fingers and toes don't tend to put on fat quickly, even when pregnant.

Tell the Mrs. we're thinking about her, and if there's anything we can do for y'all don't hesitate to give us a shout!

[ Parent ]

things going to hell while you're on leave by lm (4.00 / 1) #6 Tue May 29, 2007 at 01:21:24 PM EST
While it may seem intuitive that it is good that people recall things going to hell when you're on leave, it is not. While at first, they walk around thinking, `theboz wasn't here and things went to hell,'' eventually they just start associating theboz with things going to hell and at your performance review they think, ``theboz, things went to hell,'' and give you poor marks.

But you've got hope in that things got better with you around so long as they're thinking of you by name. ``theboz, things, good'' is definitely what you want them thinking come review time.


There is no more degenerate kind of state than that in which the richest are supposed to be the best.
Cicero, The Republic


i wonder about that by StackyMcRacky (4.00 / 1) #7 Tue May 29, 2007 at 02:05:01 PM EST
because, as it stands now, there isn't a single person at this institution that even remotely understands what I do, much less possess a hint of knowledge to be able to do it.

when i leave, i expect things to totally fall apart, and nobody to even understand where to begin looking.

[ Parent ]

Well, I wish you good luck by lm (4.00 / 1) #18 Tue May 29, 2007 at 03:34:00 PM EST
But your past descriptions have led me to believe that there is a certain amount of organizational dysfunction going on. That makes me a bit pessimistic for your situation. On the other hand, organizational dysfunction also tends to imply job security as it takes a certain amount of competency to actually fire people.

There is no more degenerate kind of state than that in which the richest are supposed to be the best.
Cicero, The Republic
[ Parent ]

try total organizational dysfunction by StackyMcRacky (4.00 / 1) #20 Tue May 29, 2007 at 03:42:50 PM EST
of course, I plan on leaving after my paid leave.  Unless they pull some serious magic out of their asses, or course.  Or they let me work only part of my duties, part-time from home (more than one director has straight-up told me that's what I need to angle for).

[ Parent ]

It's what you mentioned by theboz (2.00 / 0) #14 Tue May 29, 2007 at 03:05:36 PM EST
But you've got hope in that things got better with you around so long as they're thinking of you by name. ``theboz, things, good'' is definitely what you want them thinking come review time.
This seems to be the way people are thinking. The guy I work with on the other hand, they might not feel so positively about.
- - - - -
That's what I always say about you, boz, you have a good memory for random facts about pussy. -- joh3n
[ Parent ]

Lol by jayhawk88 (4.00 / 1) #8 Tue May 29, 2007 at 02:10:34 PM EST
If a baby is crying, it's generally for a good reason. Change the diaper and feed them, and they won't cry. It's not rocket science.

Not being a parent myself I know I'm talking out of my league here, but just a heads up: You just guaranteed that should you ever have a second child, it will be cursed with collick.



It's still early for babyboz by georgeha (4.00 / 1) #9 Tue May 29, 2007 at 02:14:56 PM EST
though colic usually starts just after week 2.


[ Parent ]

And continues indefinitely by persimmon (4.00 / 3) #10 Tue May 29, 2007 at 02:23:19 PM EST
although these days I threaten to beat people up rather than screaming nonstop.
-----
"Nature is such a fucking plagarist."
[ Parent ]

I think that is by anonimouse (4.00 / 1) #21 Tue May 29, 2007 at 03:57:24 PM EST
PMS, not colick

Girls come and go but a mortgage is for 25 years -- JtL
[ Parent ]

It's possible by theboz (2.00 / 0) #11 Tue May 29, 2007 at 02:50:19 PM EST
However, at this time there will be no second child. We'll cross that bridge in the future.
- - - - -
That's what I always say about you, boz, you have a good memory for random facts about pussy. -- joh3n
[ Parent ]

$BIG_PHARMA says "Thanks for the money!" by ammoniacal (4.00 / 1) #19 Tue May 29, 2007 at 03:39:58 PM EST

Irony: ammo says it's time. Tom is blocked.


I see where you're going wrong. by anonimouse (4.00 / 3) #22 Tue May 29, 2007 at 03:59:36 PM EST
Not all nipples are the same. We had to go through about four different ones before finding one that was compatible with our baby. Why isn't there a standard baby adapter?

There is a standard baby adapter. Most women come with two ready made adaptors. You're meant to be able to tell witches apart from other women as they reputedly come with three.


Girls come and go but a mortgage is for 25 years -- JtL


I have no baby by theantix (4.00 / 1) #24 Tue May 29, 2007 at 04:33:52 PM EST
But I do have super paper mario.  And yes, it rocks.  I too enjoy the richness and depth of the levels -- between dimension shifting, wand waving, and bomb blowing a completely ordinary scene can reveal all sorts of depth.  Very cool.  Too much talking though, at times can be very distracting.
____________________________________
I'm sorry, but your facts disagree with my opinion.


Obtroll by ambrosen (4.00 / 1) #25 Tue May 29, 2007 at 06:02:41 PM EST
You're doing it all wrong and you're going to raise a mentally deficient sociopath because of $trivial-detail-that-you-briefly-alluded-to.

Sounds like all is going well in bozville. Congratulations. You must be very happy right now.



Congrats! by ucblockhead (4.00 / 1) #27 Tue May 29, 2007 at 09:47:17 PM EST
Now I can Lord over my earlier parenting experience by constantly giving you unwanted and inaccurate advice!
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ウセーバラケダ


shit by ucblockhead (4.00 / 1) #28 Tue May 29, 2007 at 09:50:33 PM EST
Oh, one more thing: They are no big deal now. Just wait 'till the little tyke starts eating solid food!
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ウセーバラケダ


Thoughts of a new father | 28 comments (28 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback